Group Therapy A Cullen Comedy
by Equivamp
Summary: After a trip to Walmart goes awry, the Cullen kids, Bella too, are sent to counseling. Can the therapist handle them? T for language.
1. How It Started

**Ch 1. How It Started**

Angela called me and asked for a favor. She was sick and her little cousin was having a birthday. Angela wasn't going to be able to get out to the store could I please pick something up and she'll pay me back. Of course, was my answer. I didn't know then that I should have refused.

Edward didn't want me to go alone. I reminded myself that he loved me and not to get to irritated at his over protectiveness… but really… What could go wrong at a _Super Walmart_? Emmett hearing of our trip and overcome with boredom had to come too. Rosalie wasn't going to be left behind by Emmett. Alice wanted to see if a Super Walmart had better clothes than a regular Walmart. Jasper certainly wasn't going to stay home alone. So that was that. We split into two cars and drove through the pouring rain to spend some quality time at everyone's favorite retail store.

I decided to keep it simple, and headed straight to the Barbie aisle… with Emmett in tow. Jasper wanted to check out electronics and Edward had little interest in the aisle of the world of pink. Alice and Rosalie went to look through clothes and accessories.

Although I knew to expect it, I was still a little shocked by the Barbie aisle. It was so pink it seemed to be glowing… Maybe it was. I looked at Emmett. The look on his face… I had seen it before.

"Um, Emmett, maybe you should go catch up with Jasper and Edward…" I suggested.

He grinned at me. "No way, Bella. I promised Edward I'd take care of you. Besides, what kind of big brother would I be, if I left my little sister all alone?"

I sighed. Then I silently prayed to whoever would listen.

I began sifting through the dolls. There was a lot to sift through. This one looked like a prostitute. Inappropriate for a seven year old. That one was wearing a bikini. Like her parents would appreciate giving the little one _that_ idea. This one was a veterinarian. Did I really feel like buying the accessories that went with her?

"Hey Bella, this one is pretty!" Emmett shocked me.

Was he really trying to be helpful?

I looked over. He was holding up a Barbie in a big green flowing glitter gown with her blonde hair all up in little curls.

"No, Emmett. Those ones are all collectibles, we should get something she can play with." He looked disappointed so I added for good measure, "Good eye though." He brightened a little.

I moved further down the aisle when I heard the sound I'd been dreading. A deep chuckle. Slowly I turned.

The opposite shelf from the Barbie dolls was all accessories. Some of which were so the little girl could play dress up with their Barbie. Emmett had slipped on a handful of hot pink Mardi Gras beads. A white sunhat with big pink flowers. A pink cape with glitter trim that barely reached his lower back. In one hand he held a pink hand bag and in the other was a long wand that lit up when the button was pushed.

"What do you think? Pink my color?" He asked.

"Emmett, stop it!" I gasped, horrified, knowing it was a lost cause. This would get worse before it got better.

"Lighten up Bella," he said grinning wider. "You know what this reminds me of?"

I tried to ignore him. I turned back to the dolls. Maybe if I didn't indulge him he'd stop. I bent down to get a better look at the bottom shelf. Emmett's icy breath was suddenly at my ear.

"C'mon Barbie, lets go party," he whispered in my ear.

I toppled over in surprise taking about two dozen pink boxes with me. On my hands in knees I looked up in horror.

Emmett had started to sway from side to side. He cleared his throat theatrically.

Then in an a high pitched voice he began to sing. " I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie wo-orld. Life in plastic… it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere-ere. Imagination… life is your creation!" Then making his voice lower and rougher, "C'mon Barbie, lets go party!"

"Emmett please…" I begged.

His voice went back to high pitched, and worse still…it grew in volume. "I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie wo-orld. Life in plastic… it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere-ere. Imagination… life is your creation!"

"Emmett!"

His dancing was getting more and more active. Now he wasn't just swaying. He was leaping from foot to foot and spinning while he did so.

"I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world… Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your doll-y." He switched back to the mans voice. "You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink, kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky…"

My hand clapped over my mouth as he stopped spinning to do a couple of groin thrusts.

"You'll get us in trouble!" But it was too late. He was in full swing now.

"You can touch… you can play-ay… if you say, I'm always yours," Again the volume increased. Where was Edward? Rosalie? No way they couldn't hear this.

Then suddenly he was _literally_ in full swing. He started to swing dance. He grabbed me up from the floor and started to use me as an unwilling partner.

As he swung my legs from one side to the other, he started in on the chorus again, "I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie wo-orld…" I noticed we had attracted attention. A couple of little girls stood giggling and pointing at us at the end of the aisle. My face felt like it was going to melt off when an angry grandmother shot us a dirty look and ushered the little girls away.

What Emmett clearly didn't anticipate was that Super Walmart, had super security.

Emmett was cheerfully skipping after the rent-a-cop, my hand clamped tightly in his. I grabbed his arm with my free hand for added support as my feet kept tripping over each other in the attempt to keep up.

The security office was a bit crowded. Alice and Edward were seated in the only two chairs available. She was frowning. He had his head bowed into his hands. He glanced up looked at us, shook his head, and recovered his face. Rosalie was leaning against the wall with arms crossed and her lips pouted. Jasper was pressed into the far corner his eyes focused intently on the ceiling tiles. The head of security was sitting at his desk looking outraged. The guard who brought me and Emmett in went to stand behind the one at the desk.

Emmett tossed a carefree arm around my shoulders.

I was accused of vandalism despite the fact that knocking over the boxes of Barbie's had been an accident on my part.

Emmett, well, quite obviously disturbing the peace.

Alice was being accused of sexual harassment. Apparently the other shoppers didn't appreciate energetic pixies offering unwanted assistance in the dressing rooms.

Edward "exposed" himself. He was literally caught with his pants down. In his defense his boxer shorts were still on so he wasn't _exposed_ exposed, and technically that too was Alice's fault. A fashion experiment gone horribly wrong.

Rosalie threatened the clerk at the jewelry counter with bodily harm in a dispute over a necklace that was overpriced.

Jasper, with a armful of video games for his XBOX, didn't notice the man on the speeding scooter until it was too late. Jasper tried to leap out of the way, but caught off guard his rock hard head hit, and went through, the screen of a TV mounted on the wall. Seeing as human heads aren't hard enough to go through a TV screen, nobody believed he _accidentally_ broke it.

Carlisle and Esme were called.

And Charlie.

And the irate store manager.

That's how the six of us got sent to therapy. Kids our age should know better. And since none of us had records the manger agreed not to press charges if…

I rode home in the cruiser with Charlie who was a deep shade of maroon and yelling. I sat in back, behind the shield, like the criminal I was becoming. After twenty minutes he was forced to take a breath.

"So what do you have to say for yourself?" He demanded, his chest heaving.

I thought hard but came up blank. The words escaped my lips before I could stop them. In a whisper I found myself saying, "I just wanted to buy a Barbie."


	2. Getting To Know You

**Ch 2. Getting To Know You**

"What's his name again?" Rosalie asked letting out an irritated huff.

I rolled my eyes. Her memory was flawless, just like the rest of her.

"Dr. Orville Fry, I think," Edward answered.

I looked at the secretary again. The name plate on her desk said her name was Jackie. Jackie kept eyeing us, not unusual considering the five vampires that surrounded me, but there was more than curiosity in her stare. Her eyes lingered a little longer than necessary on Edward more than once. I took his hand and glared at her. That seemed to encourage her… It certainly increased her staring.

I guess my point was too subtle.

I moved from my chair to Edward's lap. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I felt him kiss my hair and I closed my eyes. They snapped open at his chuckle.

"Isabella Marie Swan. Are you trying to make her jealous?" He whispered in my ear.

"No," I grumbled at him, which was true, "I'm trying to ward her off."

"I thought I told you before… I prefer brunettes."

I snorted. "Yeah, like she's a real blonde."

He laughed softly, and it was echoed by the others' laughter as well.

I felt my cheeks redden and tried feebly to change the subject. "So, we're seeing a psychologist, right?"

"Yes?" Edward titled his head to the side.

"Well, what's the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?" I asked. I honestly had no idea.

Edward flashed me my favorite grin and shook his head in amusement.

"Psychiatrists can prescribe drugs, psychologists can't," Alice told me.

"Dr. Fry can see you now," Jackie called over to us.

We went single file into the room. There were two cushiony armchairs and a couch. Emmett and Rosalie claimed the chairs, while Jasper, Alice and Edward claimed the couch. I couldn't take my eyes off of Dr. Fry long enough to acknowledge the fact that Edward had pulled me back onto his lap.

It wasn't that he was good looking, because there wasn't a person on the planet that could compare with Edward. It was more of how he looked that held my attention. One word came to mind. Hippie. His graying hair was a little more than shoulder length and rather than tying it back he let it hang free. He was smiling at us when we entered, staring out through the wrinkles of his face with _too_ serene eyes. He was wearing pants appeared to be loose fitting acid wash jeans with black suede moccasins on his feet. His shirt was basic light blue but the tie around his neck was plaid with rainbow colors and the tie had been loosened enough to fit a second neck in the loop.

This guy was a flower child if I ever saw one.

He cleared his throat before speaking. "Hello, I'm Dr. Fry. You must be the Cullens and Ms. Swan?" He waited for us to nod our heads in confirmation. "Very good. Now because this is our first meeting, I think we should discuss why you are here to begin with. We can't get to the root of the problems until we know what the problems are."

He cleared his throat again.

"Now, I want you all to understand that this is a place of safety. You can say whatever you are feeling or thinking and no on here will judge you. Anything said in this room will remain confidential. The good thing about group therapy is that you are surrounded by people who love and support you, and it allows you all to leave here with a sense of how to handle each other better, not just yourselves."

Flower child, flower child, flower child!

In his lap he had a clip board. He glanced at and then looked up.

"Which one of you young ladies is Isabella Swan?"

Gulp. Why did he have to start with me?

"Um… I'm Isabella, but it's just Bella."

Edward reassuringly held me closer.

"Okay, Bella," he smiled kindly at me before continuing, "I see here that you felt the need to vandalize the Barbie aisle at Walmart? Can you tell me why that was?"

I blushed. "I didn't vandalize anything, at least not on purpose. My friend Angela got sick and her cousin is having a birthday so I agreed to pick up a gift for her. I wanted to get a Barbie doll, but _Emmett,_" I spat his name with as much venom as I could muster, "had to behave like a retard and came up behind me and I don't have the best balance. He startled me and I fell taking some boxes with me."

"You accidentally brought down thirty two boxes?"

Wow. Was it really thirty two? And who counted?

I nodded.

He bent his head to the clipboard and scribbled something down. Was he writing about me?

"With her luck it could have been much worse," Rosalie snickered.

Dr. Fry turned his gaze on her. "And you are?"

"Rosalie." Her tone was not generous.

He frowned and took another glance at his clipboard again.

He looked back up at her, "Rosalie Hale, sister of Jasper Hale?"

She nodded pursing her lips.

"Where's Jasper?"

"Here," Jasper grunted.

Dr. Fry nodded at him and looked back at Rosalie.

"Rosalie, you got in a dispute with a salesclerk at the jewelry counter?"

"She was a bimbo." Rosalie told him; clearly unremorseful.

"Is that why you said, 'Back off diamond Nazi before I drink your blood?'"

I felt my chest contract with laugher and I bit my tongue to keep the sound from bursting out. I had had no idea that that was what Rosalie had said.

"Yes, but you should have heard her! The necklace was way over priced and she totally flipped like she smuggled it out of Africa, cut, polished, and mounted the diamonds herself! As if! Besides as cute as it was, everyone knows that the most important thing in a diamond is cut, color, and clarity, and two of the diamonds on that pendant had shadows and one of them was cut wrong!"

"I see. Why did the imperfections in the necklace bother you so much?"

"I… wait, what?"

"Threatening to drink someone's blood is an unusual and extreme thing to say. I was just wondering why the necklace's imperfections caused such a dramatic response from you?"

Rosalie opened her mouth and closed it several times. Dr. Fry scribbled furiously on the clipboard.

"Jasper?" He said. "I was very concerned with your behavior. You rammed your head through a TV screen?"

"I didn't ram my head through anything!" Jasper replied, a little defensively, I thought.

"What happened?" He asked.

"There was an older gentleman coming up the aisle on a scooter, and I didn't see him over the videogames in my arms until he was close. I jumped out of the way so he wouldn't run me over and my head hit the TV…"

"And you refuse medical attention?"

"Yeah, my father is a doctor…"

"Right, Dr. Cullen, brilliant man. You and Rosalie are his foster children, correct?"

"Yes."

"You say you were buying videogames? What kind?"

"XBOX."

Dr. Fry chuckled. "No, I mean genre. Sports, fantasy, educational…"

"Oh! Mostly action videogames, war and combat, strategy… What are you writing?" Jasper broke off. Dr. Fry was scribbling away again.

He looked up and smiled. "Don't worry Jasper, I'm just taking some notes. Like I said today is just about getting acquainted with one another."

I heard Edward chuckle quietly as he heard something the rest of us missed.

"Emmett?"

Emmett gave an impossibly big grin. If anyone here needed a _psychiatrist_ it was him. But I suppose if vampires could be prescribed something Carlisle would have years ago.

"Emmett, you were playing dress up with Bella, while singing and swing dancing?" Dr. Fry looked up for confirmation.

I couldn't help noticing how casually he asked that question. If a guy, who looks like a heavyweight boxing champion on steroids, dressing up like a giant Barbie doll, in the middle of a store, and swing dancing while singing the song "Barbie Girl," isn't the most peculiar thing he's ever heard of… well, he must get some real crazies.

"Well, _I_ was playing dress up, Bella refused to play with me." Emmett pouted and shot me a glare.

Yeah. It was _my_ fault that the two of us were here. Not.

"Do you often resort to childlike behavior?"

"No, of course not--" but Emmett didn't finish.

He couldn't finish because four vampires and one human burst into laughter and rushed to contradict him.

"What about the time you walked into the hospital wearing the head of a gorilla costume?" Jasper blurted out.

"I did that for the chil--"

"Or the time you should up at my house in the pouring rain with one of those umbrella caps on?" I supplied.

"I didn't want my hair to get--"

"Remember that time you came to bed with the Battleship set?" Rosalie said.

"I wanted to play Strip Battleship! _Strip Battleship!_"

"Settle down, settle down!" Dr. Fry interrupted.

Reluctantly we returned our attention to him.

"Please try to remember this is a safe environment!" He rebuked us. "Emmett, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all have unique ways of coping with the world."

He paused to write something down before continuing, "Now you mentioned a game of _strip _Battleship with Rosalie?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I--"

"How often do you harbor thoughts like that about your sister?"

"_What?!_" He shouted.

Dr. Fry flinched but didn't shift his gaze.

Rosalie laughed. "Dr. Fry, you have the wrong idea. Emmett and I aren't related, but we are _involved._ The same goes for Alice and Jasper."

Dr. Fry clearly had no knowledge of this, but he recovered nicely. He wrote a little more. I glanced at Emmett. His grin was long gone.

"Alice?" Dr. Fry asked looking over at her.

Alice smiled brightly at him and sat up straighter.

"Alice, you sexually harassed a shopper in the dressing rooms?"

"No, of course not, I was trying to help her and she overreacted," Alice tone was condescending. Like it was perfectly obvious.

"You tried to convince said shopper to put down the outfit she had picked out and wear the try on the one you picked out for her, correct?"

"Yes, but you should have seen what she was going to wear! The color was all wrong for her skin and the cuts weren't at all flattering to her body type."

"You then followed the woman into the dressing rooms with your outfit for her, correct?"

"Well, I waited _outside_ the cubicle, I didn't try to go in while she was changing."

"You then tried to hand the clothes to her over the door, yes?"

"Yeah, like I said complete overreaction! I mean she didn't need to call security! I was only trying to help!"

Dr. Fry wrote a little more and then asked, "Alice, can you define sexual harassment for me?"

"Um, any unwanted physical attention, like ogling and touching and crude remarks…"

"Can you see why someone might interpret your behavior a sexual harassment?"

"I… preposterous… how could anybody…" Alice mumbled too herself.

Back to the clipboard.

"Edward, last but not least. You're here because you exposed yourself in the woman's dressing room?"

I felt Edward shift uncomfortably beneath me and he tightened his arms to hold me closer like I was his human shield.

"Its not like that at all… You see, I was with Jasper, but I don't reall like videogames so I went to find Alice. But I passed the men's clothes to get there and I saw these pants and I though Bella would like me in those since she seems to like… Well, that's not important," He shifted again and continued, "Anyway, I heard Alice and that woman arguing and I went over to help but I hadn't put _my_ pants back on. Alice was in a mood and didn't like them so she tried to remove them to change me into something she thought was more appropriate but that's when the little girl walked in and yelled for her mom and then security showed up…"

"Has Alice dressed you before?"

"Well, she sort of dresses all of us."

"I see." Dr. Fry went to touch his pen to paper but Edward gasped stopping him.

"Not like that! She doesn't physically dress us! She just likes to pick out our clothes for us!"

"Okay, Edward, that's fine," Dr. Fry spoke with a smile but I noticed the pen was moving across the paper again.

There was complete silence as six pairs of eyes watched his hand travel back and forth over the paper.

He looked up and smiled kindly again.

"This has been a good start, but I think we should end here for the day. Now, your scheduled to see me again Thursday at one. When you comeback I want you all to have picked one thing out about yourselves that you consider to be your biggest personality flaw."

"You mean like homework?" Emmett groaned.

The amusement still hadn't returned to his face. If I didn't know Emmett better, I'd say that he was rattled by, Dr. Fry-_d_-my-brains-at-Woodstock's implication about having sex with his sister.


	3. Personality Flaws Pt 1

**Pt 1. Edward & What's Wrong With Him**

So we entered the room for our second session with Dr. Freedom Fry. _I suppose I should stop making fun of his…WTF?!!!_ I change my mind. I will continue to mock him. He's left me no choice. He was still in acid wash jeans. New moccasins though. These ones were tan. And beaded. His dress shirt was lilac today not blue. But that tie. Rainbows. The hipcat had fucking rainbows on his fucking tie.

This is the man who is supposed to help us with our problems? Who was helping him with his?

We all took the seats we had last time except this time I wasn't seated on Edward's lap. I was wedged between him and Alice. Jasper wasn't talking to Edward very much right now. Edward refused to tell anyone what was so funny about Jasper's interview. Confidentiality.

"Welcome back," Dr. Fry greeted us with a smile.

We all mumbled our greetings and gave smiles of our own.

"At the end of our introduction session, I asked you all to pick one thing out about yourselves that you consider to be your biggest personality flaw. Has everyone done that?"

We all nodded our heads.

"Excellent!" He looked thrilled. "Who'd like to start?"

We all exchanged looks with one another. He wanted us to volunteer? We didn't even want to be here!

When no one answered he looked at Edward. "Edward, would you care to start?"

I knew Edward's face well enough to know that he didn't want to start at all, but he swallowed his dignity and nodded.

"Well, I guess… I'm too proud."

"Too proud? How so?" Dr. Fry leaned forward a little interestedly.

"I like to be right and I don't like to admit I'm wrong even when I know I am."

"Are you wrong often?"

Edward hesitated and then added seriously, "More frequently than I'd like."

"How does it make you feel when you're wrong?"

"Like I should be better." He said quietly.

"Oh, Edward," I breathed.

His eyes flicked to my face and away.

Maybe Dr. Fry was on to something. I had no idea Edward felt this way and I hated that he did. He didn't have anything to prove. He was beautiful and perfect and strong… His mistakes didn't detract from who he was, they made him better. It meant he still had his humanity. He was a man worth loving. Surely he knew that?

"Bella, do you have something you want to add?"

I hesitated, could I tell Edward my thoughts in front of his family and a stranger who might actually be good at his job? Well, this _is_ a place of safety.

"Yes," I turned to Edward. "Edward, I know I say you're good at everything, but you don't have to be and I don't expect you to be. I love when you're wrong as much as I love when you're right. It's alright with me if you're not perfect, you're perfect for me."

Edward was staring intently into my eyes, and I would have been lost in the golden turmoil if Dr Fry hadn't spoken. "Edward?"

"Bella, I want to be better. For you. You make me want to be better." He spoke into my face. His sweet breath caught me off guard yet again. Damn him to hell, the hypnotically sweet smelling vampire.

"Bella?"

I paused to unscramble my brain. "If you were always right, Edward, you wouldn't need me."

He looked horrified by that conclusion. "I'll always need you Bella, always."

A very unladylike snort from Rosalie interrupted our conversation.

"Oh, please! You aren't going to let him get away with that, are you Bella?" She asked incredulously.

I wanted to glare at her rudeness but the confusion override my irritation. "Get away with what?"

She shook her head at me in clear disbelief.

"Rosalie? Something you would like to share with Bella and Edward?" Dr. Fry prompted.

"Yes." She inhaled and narrowed her eyes. "Edward, your problem isn't pride, your problem is that you are a control freak."

"I am not a control freak!"

Everyone chuckled at that but I struggle to keep it in. This boy was in denial. He was a control freak of epic proportions. But I wouldn't laugh at him, because I didn't want him to feel like he had to be perfect. He didn't need to be. I knew he was a control freak and I was still going to marry him.

"Bro, I hate be the one to break it to you, but do you remember the time you threw a fit because I put a juice box on your piano?"

"That isn't me being a control freak, you need to respect other peoples property!" Edward retaliated while Emmett asked curiously, "What were you doing with a juice box, Jazz?"

"That is beside the point Emmett," Jasper said nonchalantly waving a dismissive hand.

"Not to mention, the way you treat Bella," Rosalie added.

"What's wrong with the way I treat Bella?" Edward spoke through clenched teeth.

Alice's laugh tinkled through the tension. "C'mon Edward, you bribed me to hold her hostage remember?"

"Yeah, and everyone knows she's been trying to get you in the sack since day one--"

"Emmett!" I snapped while ducking my head as the blood rushed to my cheeks.

"Not to mention you never let her have any fun. I mean, you didn't even tell her when that Clearwater kid brought her motor--"

"Emmett!" Edward snapped shaking his head infinitesimally.

But it was too late. I felt the anger surge up.

"You didn't tell me when the Clearwater kid brought my motor-what?"

Edward remained silent.

"My motor-what, Edward?" I repeated crossing my arms.

Still no response.

"Emmett?" I asked. He glanced to my face and Edward's looking very much like he wished he had kept his mouth shut for once in his life. "_Emmett_?"

"Cycle," he said quietly. "Billy sent Seth by with your motorcycle."

"Where?" I asked Edward.

He opened his mouth but closed it again.

"Emmett?" I asked.

"In the garage. Under a tarp. Behind your after car. He knew you'd never find it because you wouldn't go within ten meters of that car."

"Do you have something you want to tell me, _Edward?_" He flinched away from me at the anger in my voice or on my face or maybe both.

"I just wanted you to be safe. I was going to give it back, I just wanted to wait until… _after._"

"Bella, take a deep breath to calm yourself. How do you feel about Edward hiding your motorcycle?" Dr fry intoned. I had forgotten he was even in the room.

I took a deep breath alright but it wasn't to calm myself. I leapt to my feet.

"Seth dropped off my motorcycle and you thought it would be okay to hide it from me?!!!" I screeched.

"I just--" Edward began at the same time the Dr said, "Bella calm--" but neither finished.

"I spent the bulk of my college fund on that bike! I sure as hell want to get my moneys worth out of it! I love that bike its--"

"That's what you spent your college fund on?!!!" He got to his feet to and shouted angrily back. "You spent money meant for your education on that death machine?!!!"

"Death machine? You're one to talk! You never drive anywhere under speeds lower than a hundred and twenty! What the fuck do you think will happen to me if you wrap the car around a telephone pole at those speeds!"

Emmett chuckled as Jasper mumbled, "I didn't think she knew that word."

He flinched but pushed on. "I have excellent reflexes! I've never been in car accident!"

"All it takes is one mistake!" I snapped.

"Wait a minute how did we get on my driving? We were talking about you motorcycle, and you can't ride alone, you could get hurt!"

"No, we were talking about you being a control freak, Emmett and I were talking about my motorcycle!"

"If wanting you safe makes me a control freak I can live with that!"

You know what Edward? You aren't just a control freak you're a jack--"

_Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……_

Dr. Fry had yanked out a whistle and was blowing on it as hard as he could.

We all looked at him.

"Let's take a five minute break to compose ourselves, shall we?"

Dr. Fry looked nervous. My best guess: His human survival instincts were finally kicking in as his subconscious realized a room full of irate vampires was a place he shouldn't be.

* * *

**A/N:**

**_You will notice the sessions increase in length... _**

**_I've recently discovered that the Cullen kids have major issues. _**

**_I apologize for their behavior in advance.  
(God knows they won't)_**


	4. Personality Flaws Pt 2

_**Pt.2 Jasper, Rosalie & Nurture vs. Nature**_

Five minutes later we were back in therapy, only this time I was sitting on the chair Emmett once held and he was squished between Alice and Edward.

Dr. Fry cleared his throat. "Alright, so things just got a little heated, I think we should talk about why and how to prevent things from escalating like that again."

Nobody answered.

"Bella?"

I nodded to show that I heard him.

"Why did you get so angry when you heard that Edward hid your motorcycle?" He asked.

I paused to think it through. "Well, it is mine, for starters. I understand that I am accident prone and that he worries about my safety, but…"

"But?"

I turned away from Dr. Fry and spoke directly to Edward who was once again trying to lift the information from my brain. "Edward, I know you want to protect me from everything great and small, but I am going to get hurt whether you like it or not, its part of human life. I know I said I was angry because I spent so much on it, but that's only part of it. You lied to me. We are getting married in a couple months and you lied to me."

"Edward? Why did you feel the need to lie to Bella?"

Edward broke his gaze from my face and looked at the shrink. "Because she is stubborn. If I told her not to ride it she'd hop on it first chance she got."

I crossed my arms in annoyance and responded before Dr. Fry could. "You might try asking politely."

His head jerked back to me. "What?"

"You always tell me what to do or plead with me to make me feel guilty. Would it kill you to ask politely and maybe give some reasons as to why your asking in the first place? I love you more than anything Edward, but sometimes you are so… pigheaded."

He stared into my eyes for a moment and suddenly I hated the distance I had put between us. I needed to be back in his arms.

"Edward, what's your response to that?" Dr. Fry asked. Does he ever shut up?

"Bella?" Edward asked ignoring the doctor now, "Could you please not ride your bike anymore?"

"Why?" I asked softly.

"You could get hurt or killed and it terrifies me to think of those possibilities."

I could hear the truth of that statement and see it in his eyes and just like that I gave it up. I originally started riding that bike to encourage my hallucinations. I didn't need adrenaline rushes to hear Edward's voice when I was missing him, not anymore, all I needed now was a phone. Sure, my motorcycle was fun even with out the hallucinations, but I enjoyed my time with Edward more.

"Alright, Edward. I'll find it a new home."

His face relaxed and gave me the crooked grin I loved. He opened his arms for me; an invitation. I accepted. I allowed him to take me in his arms as Emmett rushed to reclaim his previous seat near Rosalie.

"Excellent progress!" Dr Fry congratulated us. "Now, when you leave here, Edward, I expect you will try being more honest with Bella so as not to be overly domineering?" Edward nodded. "Bella, I assume that you will try to be sensitive to Edward's feelings when considering his requests?" I nodded. "Good! Then let's move on."

He turned his attention to Jasper who was busy admiring Alice's earlobe.

Dr. Fry cleared his throat noisily. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?" Jasper sat up straighter. "Yes?"

"Jasper, what do you feel is your biggest personality flaw?"

His eyes flicked nervously around and then he cleared his throat and said, "My biggest flaw, in my opinion, is um… self-control."

My eyes widened in surprise. On the one hand he was probably the only one being truly honest. On the other hand how was he going to explain this to Dr. Fry. I glanced at the hipster who was looking oddly pleased with Jasper's answer.

"How so?"

"Well, um, I'm impulsive. I have instincts and urges and I follow them without thinking."

"Hmm… Jasper? What can you tell me about your parents?"

"My parents? Well, there's Esme. I am so lucky to have her in my life, such a compassionate woman. And Carlisle, his patience is endless…"

"Good, Jasper, but I was more wondering about your biological parents. My mistake I should have clarified…"

Jasper stiffened in the corner of my eye. I could guess the reason. Although I'm sure he has a cover story he's probably never had a chance to use it. I don't think anyone's ever talked to him who didn't know the real story.

"Well, my parents died when I was eight in a car crash and we went to live with my mom's sister, Esme, who became more of a mother to me than an Aunt… Why do you ask?"

"Well, I couldn't help but wonder if your parents or their deaths had an effect on you personality. Do you think it did?"

"No, I loved them and they loved me and I missed them, but I'm happy now."

"If you are happy, why do you think you are predisposition to violent outbursts?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry?" Jasper asked looking shocked.

"Well, this is only our second session but it seems to me you possess certain violent tendencies…"

_Violent tendencies?_ I held back a giggle that was threatening to escape. Vampires have violent tendencies. That was a nice way to put it.

"How do you figure?" Jasper asked with a priceless look on his face.

"Last session I asked you about videogames and you said your favorites were war and combat, yes?"

"So?"

"Those types of games are often graphic and violent…?"

Ah, so that explains Dr. Fry's reaction at our last session.

"That doesn't mean anything! I like those games because of my… heritage."

"Your heritage?"

"Yeah, I had a great grandfather in the Civil War. I'm proud of my family history and inspired by it."

Quick thinking on his part.

"I see. So you believe violence is genetic?" Dr. Fry was awful quick to retort.

I bit my tongue as the threatening giggle turned into a much more ominous need to burst into full-hearted laughter.

"What?! Of course, I don't… Why?"

Dr Fry ignored Jaspers question and said, "Actually, Rosalie, you might benefit from this discussion as well."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How?"

"The two of you are brother and sister, which is why I asked about your parents. I was curious on your thoughts on nature versus nurture. You are here for threatening a store clerk with bodily harm. Jasper, you broke a TV with your head. It seems that both of you are mildly predisposed to violence."

Rosalie yelled, "I am not predisposed to violence!" at the same time Jasper shouted, "It was an accident, I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Calm yourselves, this is what I'm talking about. There is no need to get so worked up. I believe in nurture not nature. Anger and violence aren't things your were born with they are something taught and learned. You can over come such obstacles if you want to. Remember this is a place of safety no one is here to judge you." Dr. Fry explained calmly and rationally or so he thought.

The whole time he was talking, Jasper wore an expression torn between outrage and disbelief while Rosalie's eyes had narrowed so much with her growing anger that she was beginning to look cross eyed.

All I could think was that he was walking a fine line between life and death right now and he didn't even know it. It was like driving by a car crash… you know you shouldn't watch but you just cant stop yourself. My instincts were to retreat further into the safety of Edward's arms and lean forward to get a closer look. Unfortunately the attempt to both get away and get closer had an unexpected consequence. I felt Edward _stiffen_ behind me and he groaned quietly in my ear. I leaned back into Edward's chest to help hide the obvious bulge in his khakis but it was too late… The malicious grin on Emmett's face was proof that he had heard and seen.

When Dr. Fry was finished speaking Rosalie and Jasper had a lot to say.

"A place of safety?! How am I supposed to feel safe with some crackpot accusing me of violent tendencies?!" Rose looked like she wanted to rip his throat out.

"No judgments? No judgments? You don't believe I broke the TV by accident and what's more you jump to conclusions based on my choice of video game! I am not predisposed to anything!" Jasper shouted looking indignant.

I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Loudly.

It wasn't that I couldn't understand why they were upset, I could. It's just they _were_ vampires. Jasper directed his own army of bloodthirsty newborns. Rosalie torment and killed that dirt bag of a fiancé and his perverted friends. I remember quite clearly Jasper wild lunge at me on my birthday fiasco. And Rosalie? Completely and unnecessarily antagonistic to me since the day I moved here. They were so predisposed to violence. They were predators.

Emmett began chuckling at the weak defense too and exchanged a grin with me.

"And what the hell do you think is so funny?" Rosalie spat at Emmett and shot a glare at me.

"Nothing Rosie, Bella's funny is all," Emmett tried to back track.

"And _you?_" She asked curling her lip at me.

What could I say? There was nothing. Nothing that would allow me to answer without revealing what they are. I just smirked at her and shook my head. Dr. Fry had other ideas.

"Bella, do you disagree with Rosalie and Jasper's assessment of themselves?"

Oh shit. Clearly I couldn't lie and say no. He'd know between my laughter and my inability to lie that I was lying. I tried to think fast but nothing came. And he was still there with his clipboard waiting for an answer.

I nodded my head. _Please leave it alone!_ I begged. No such luck.

"Why is that?"

"Um… uh…" I glanced from face to face frantically.

"Dr. Fry, Bella and Rosalie don't exactly get along. I'm sure Bella is just laughing because they antagonize each other so much." Edward spoke up and I breathed a sigh of relief. The relief was short lived.

"Why don't we let Bella tell us why she was laughing?"

Damn. I wasn't getting out of this.

"Well, um, it's just that Rosalie…"

"Yes?" Dr. Fry encouraged.

"Yes, what about Rosalie?" Rosalie asked in a sickly sweet voice.

" Well, Rosalie is sometimes hostile towards me… Almost always actually. Its gotten a little better but…" I stared at my feet now to avoid her death glare.

"Hostile?" Rosalie repeated. "You think I'm _hostile_? Bella you're giving up everything to--"

"To be with the one I love." I finished getting a little angry myself. I'm getting sick and tired of defending my choice to her. "It's a fair trade." I added quietly. I heard Edward suck in a sharp gust of air and he held me tighter. _I know, I know,_ I thought to him even knowing he couldn't hear it, _You don't think your worth it._ But he is. Stupid vampires. Why do they always think they know what's right?

Rosalie clamped her teeth together with an audible click, clenched and unclenched her fists and finally spoke, "You silly little girl! You have this naïve romantic Romeo and Juliet notion stuck in your head, but don't you remember how that story ends? There is no happily ever after… They die!"

"Yes, and your well on your way to helping us aren't you?" I don't know why I said that but I did and I wasn't taking it back.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What the hell do you think it means?"

"If you are going to accuse me of something, why don't you just say it!"

"Fine!" I shouted, repressed resentment bursting to the surface. "You nearly got Edward killed with your little stunt!" I was vaguely aware of Edwards lips at my ear telling me to stop before I said something incriminating but I was on a roll. "Alice thought I was dead and made the mistake of telling you and you were so thrilled you couldn't even wait for her to check my pulse! Are you really so full of yourself you couldn't figure out how much that knowledge would hurt Edward? Oh, no, you had to spread the joyous news of my demise!"

"I thought he could handle the information and he deserved to know! I didn't know the moron would try to off himself! I don't know why your going after me, Jasper's the one who tried to kill you!"

"Hey, hey, hey! Why are you dragging me into this!" Jasper joined in. "I didn't do that on purpose! And besides, what about Emmett? How many times has he taken advantage of Bella's clumsiness huh? He's just as likely to kill her as I am!"

"You leave Emmett out of this!"

"You shouldn't have dragged me into this!"

"Calm down, its not important who tried to kill who--"

"Shut up!" Rosalie and Jasper shouted at Emmett simultaneously.

He slipped lower in his chair.

"Listen Barbie, its not my fault your jealous of Bella--"

"_Barbie_?! Well, excuse me Oprah, I didn't realize--"

_Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………………_

Dr. Fry was looking awfully pale as he clenched the whistle between his lips. I'm guessing all this talk of attempted murder wasn't agreeing with his peace loving mushroom smoking lifestyle.


	5. I Don't Want To Talk About It

_Dr. Fry had licked his lips nervously and proceeded to calm us down to the best of his abilities. His abilities weren't very good in that area so Jasper gave him a little help. After we were calm we remembered that we were in a therapist's office, a therapist who knew nothing about vampires or their "violent tendencies"._

"_Let's end today's session here, and we will…um… continue with this, erm, next time. Monday at two pm."_

_His words may have been relatively gracious but the expression on his face made it very clear. He wanted us gone before we could make an attempt on his life too._

I smirked and wondered how long the good doctor would be able to put up with us. Then another thought occurred to me: Mental institutions. Our behavior today was a little nuts. How long before he recommends sentencing us to a nuthouse?

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked, his fingers stroking my smirk.

"Just that Dr. Fry has no idea what he's gotten himself into," I answered.

Emmett eyes looked at me in the rearview mirror.

He cleared his throat. "So, Edward, how did you think the session went?"

"Emmett," Edward gave a warning growl.

Here we go.

"You looked pretty _excited _when Bella started bouncing about… Care to share with the rest of the class?"

I felt my face starting to heat up.

"Emmett what are you talking about?" Rosalie asked.

"You didn't notice?" Emmett asked very nonchalantly. "Ol' Eddie here, raised a flag when Dr. Fright was laying into you and Jasper."

"What?" Rosalie asked and twisted around in her seat to get a better look at us.

She started laughing her head off as she surveyed the guilt on Edward's face and the humiliation on mine. I slipped lower in the seat and buried my face on Edward's shoulder.

"So, Edward, what was it? Thinking of starting the honeymoon early? Taking her virtue on the Docs couch? Spanking her with the clipboard--"

"Emmett!" Edward shouted making me jump, while Rosalie exploded into another fit of laughter.

I glanced at Edward's face as an evil smirk spread over it.

"Well," he said slowly, "it's better than a fantasy of bending her over a grizzly carcass--"

"_EDWARD!_" Emmett roared and slammed on the breaks.

"_What?!_" Rose and I exclaimed in unison.

"Don't you dare," Emmett hissed.

Edward ignored him. "Rosalie, didn't you know? Emmett wants to play the brave hunter and have you be the distressing damsel--"

"Edward," Emmett said his name and followed up with a long low growl.

Rosalie's face, a picture of disbelief and disgust, flicked between Edward and Emmett.

"Anyways, like I was saying," Edward continued, "after he throws down the wicked beast he want to…" He trailed off suggestively.

Rosalie made a retching sound in her throat and looked at her husband. "Emmett, that's just…"

"Vulgar? Disgusting? Morbid?" Edward offered.

She glared at him and unbuckled. "I'm riding with Alice." She snapped. She stepped out of the car and walked to the middle of the street, where Alice was already slowing down. Rosalie hopped in the backseat without a backwards glance. Alice pealed out leaving the smell of burnt rubber behind.

Emmett was shaking furiously in the front seat. Edward sucked in a sharp breath next to me. Moving so fast I barely saw it. Edward and Emmett had both leapt from the car. Emmett snarled and made a grab for Edward who danced out of the way. Edward took off at a dead run with a furious Emmett right behind him.

I sat for about sixty seconds debating. How long were they going to take?

Then feeling a little playful myself I decided to have a little fun. I got out and shut Edward's door. Got in the driver's seat. Started the car. Drove home. Alone.

* * *

"Is Edward coming in?" Charlie asked, curiously as I walked in the door.

"No," I answered.

"Why is he just sitting in the driveway?" He asked glancing out the window again.

"He isn't." I told him deciding that honesty would work best in this instance. "Emmett and Edward were getting fresh so I made them walk home. I'm sure someone will be by to pick up the Volvo later."

Charlie froze and then yelled, "They got fresh with you?!"

Crap. I should have thought that one through.

"No! Not like that dad," I rushed to fix my mistake, "They just started arguing and it led to a conversation they probably wouldn't have had if they remember I was in the car. It was disgusting so I kicked them out!"

Charlie studied my face and relaxed. Then he chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"You kicked your fiancé and future brother in law out of their own car and made them walk home while you continued on in their car?" He asked.

I blushed. "Yeah," I mumbled looking at my feet.

"Punching Jacob! Taking off with your boyfriends car and making him walk home! I guess I don't have to worry about anyone taking advantage of you, do I?"

He burst into more laughter while I slunk up to my room.

**Meanwhile, at the Cullen house…**

Alice, Jasper and Rosalie walked through the door to be greeted by Esme.

"Where are Edward and Emmett?" She asked curiously

Rosalie snorted in disgust and left the room wordlessly. The sound of her slammed bedroom door echoed through the house.

"What's wrong with her?" Esme asked Alice.

Alice shrugged. "We get into some stuff. She's just a little emotional right now. I'm going to work on wedding plans." She skipped up the stairs.

Esme returned her attention to Jasper who was staring quietly back. Esme smiled warmly and asked, "How did the session go?"

Jasper flinched. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?!" He yelled at a shocked Esme.

He flew up to his room and slammed the door behind him.

Silence.

**Back on the highway…**

Edward and Emmett walk out of the woods and stare at the vacant spot where the car should be.

"Where's Bella?" Edward asked as his mind flicked through all the doomsday possibilities he could think of.

Emmett burst into laughter and slapped Edward on the back. "Dude that sucks! She left without you and in your car! Man, I love my little sis!"

Edward snarled.

* * *

**A/N:** That Emmett's got quite the twisted fantasy life doesnt he?

I know Dr Fry didnt talk to Alice and Emmett this session, but dont worry next session the spotlight will land on them....


	6. Thinking Ahead

I felt a cool breeze tickling the back of my neck. My eyes opened infinitesimally as I debated about closing the window. It wasn't until I rocked my weight back that I felt the brick wall behind me, preventing me from rolling over.

Uh-oh.

Not a breeze. Edward's breath. Not a brick wall. Edward's chest.

When I stole his car I hadn't really thought this far ahead.

"Honey, you're home," I said all cliché like in hopes of lightening the mood.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was when I got there and you were gone? The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I could smell your scent there, and yours alone--"

"Edward." I spoke softly, but effectively silencing him.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. But, you know, you did leave me alone first. You left me on the side of the road. If you think reasonably, me going home was a good thing…"

He snorted. "So you're telling me when you took off you were only thinking of your wellbeing?"

"No, at the time I was thinking, 'I really wish my fiancé hadn't left me alone on the side of the road while he and his brother take a break to work out their issues after having used sexual fantasies to torment each other like a couple of adolescent--"

"Okay, okay, I'm at fault." He chuckled nervously. "You're forgiven… am I?"

Of course he is, but as long as he's worried…

"On one condition…" I hedged.

"And that it?" He asked curiously.

"Tell me…"

"Yes?"

"Did you and Emmett have a nice walk?"

He growled playfully and suddenly his hand was underneath the quilt on my stomach. I didn't have time to gasp in surprise because my stomach muscles clenched and flinched away from the contact. I couldn't stop giggling, and in the light of my alarm clock I could see his victorious grin.

"Ticklish, are we?" he asked continuing to wiggle his fingers around.

The bloodsucking fiend. I'll get you for this.

"Ed-d-dwar-rd… st-st-top…" I struggled to force the words out.

He removed his hand, but not because of me. Charlie's snores had stopped. We both froze and looked to the door. But his snores restarted.

"See what you almost did?" I whispered.

Edward sighed in my ear and leaned back into his chest encouraging him to hold me close.

"Go to sleep, love," he whispered after a moment.

But a thought struck me then, an irresistible thought that was more likely than not going to get me into trouble.

"Edward, I want to ask you a question…"

"Anything, love," he answered.

His incessant need to give me anything my heart desires was really going to get him into trouble one day however beneficial it might be to me.

"Well, I was wondering… What were you thinking about today?"

"Bella…" he groaned.

"Look, its nothing to be ashamed of, I think about you that way too. Its just, well, its not the first time I've sat on your lap and when I move when I'm on your lap I don't usually get that reaction unless we happen to be kissing while… Well, you had to be thinking _something…_"

"Bella…"

"Please tell me?"

He sighed. Victory is mine.

"I was think about our honeymoon," he admitted at last.

This surprised me a little.

"I didn't realize you were looking forward to that," I whispered.

He chuckled. "My silly girl. What I'm not looking forward to is accidentally killing you."

I went to object, but his fingertips rested on my lips keeping them shut.

Edward continued, "I guess it had more to do with what Dr Fry was saying, about nurture vs. nature. How it coincides with your argument. Is nurture enough? You say we love each other enough, that I love you enough, that I could never hurt you. Being a vampire, and having access to the minds of other vampires, I know all about the nature of my kind…I guess, I was thinking about the possibility that you were right. I was picturing us making love on our wedding night, and in that moment, I wasn't a monster with his very fragile wife, I was a man giving pleasure to the woman I love…"

I would have rejoiced at his words if his voice wasn't so wistful. If he hadn't trailed off like that. The image he conjured up was one that often played over and over in my mind, except that I had every confidence that he wouldn't hurt me.

"But?" I prodded after a minute of silence.

Edwards response sunk into a whisper. "Now I'm back in reality and terrified about all the ways that this could go wrong. I don't suppose there is anyway I can convince you that this is a bad idea?"

"No. You can't convince me of that."

"I love you so much Isabella Marie Swan."

"I know, I know," I answered trying to lighten the heavy mood. "You've been waiting a century for me. Show off."

He chuckled at that. "Sleep my love."

He began humming my lullaby and I knew it was just a matter of time before I drifted off, so I went over my final thoughts. I hated that Edward was so afraid of himself. Nurture vs nature. I hated that Dr. Fry brought that up.

But then I decided maybe I didn't hate the shrink for that. Because just before sleep took me I had a thought that gave me hope. If I was right on the nurture aspect, and Edward loved me to much to hurt me everything would be fine. If Edward was right on the nature aspect, well, everything would still be fine. It was Edward's nature to keep me from harm at all costs. Everything would be fine. Unfortunately I fell asleep before I could tell him that.

Damn lullaby.

* * *

**A/N:**

**_I know there wasnt much humor in this chapter but the story has to have some smidgen of believable quality to it... don't worry, session 3 is next..._**


	7. Casual Day Is Not So Casual Pt 1

**Pt. 1 Impulse Control & Lack There Of**

On Monday at two pm, when we walked into the office, there was nothing that could have prepared me for the sight my eyes were about to encounter.

Dr. Orville Fry was sitting in his armchair with his clipboard as usual. The state of his attire is what had my mouth opening with a highly audible pop. It was like he had given up trying all together. He was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt that was tie-dyed with two different shades of green so that it resembled camouflage and had a big purple and pink peace symbol that practically took up the whole front side of the shirt. In place of his usual beaded moccasins, today he was wearing sandals made from hemp with olive green socks that were clearly chosen to match his shirt. He still wore a tie, but today the tie was professional looking -- and I use that phrase very loosely -- because it was dark blue. Unfortunately the tie was still just as loose around his neck as the previous two had been, but at this point nothing could help his… ensemble.

Emmett of course being Emmett saw no issues with this outfit and plunked himself down in his armchair. Edward paused a little but then remembered his manners and managed to find his way to the couch. Jasper like me stood and stared with his mouth hanging open until he shuddered and twisted to look at Alice. Alice's face was horrified. She must have thought she wandered into her worst nightmare. Jasper must have had his empathic abilities working over time to keep her from having a mental breakdown or whatever it is vampires do when they are freaked out, because suddenly her face went slack and she smiled like she was smoking whatever Dr. Fry was selling. Jasper tugged her over to the couch and she followed like a puppy on a leash. Of course that still left me, my mouth dangling open and Rosalie who was frozen in place trying to remember how to breathe while I tried to remember how to close my mouth.

Dr. Fry chuckled and said simply, "It's casual day." Then he gestured for us to take our seats.

Rosalie slowly made it to her chair and slowly sat in it, being sure the whole time to keep her eyes trained on him, like she thought he was going to attack her if she made any sudden movements. I stumbled my way to sit in between Alice and Edward.

"How is every--" he stopped mid sentence as a low buzzing interrupted him.

He reached in to his pocket and pulled out a phone.

"My apologies, my wife just sent me a text, it seems the house has a milk shortage and I should swing by the market…"

Color me stunned. Somebody actually married this walking clusterfuck? She either has a great sense of humor or a great sense of compassion.

"So, does anyone have anything in particular that they would like to talk about?" He asked.

We all looked around at each other and then stared blankly back at him.

He crossed his legs and turned his gaze on Emmett.

And so the show begins.

Emmett studiously ignored the doctors gaze.

"Emmett?" He prodded. "Do you have anything you would like to share?"

"No, I'm good." Emmett said, giving Dr. Fry a charming smile.

"Well, why don't we talk about your… incident in Walmart."

Incident. That's putting it delicately.

"Okay…" Emmett eyed the shrink warily.

"Now, what made you decide to go to the Barbie aisle with Bella?"

"Well, she's like the baby of the family, you know? And well, Edward worries about her a lot… So I decided to go with her to keep her company and keep an eye on her in the process."

"So you feel protective of her?"

"Yeah, well, she's my little sister…"

As angry as I was at Emmett for his spectacle in the store, I couldn't stop my heart from swelling up with love and pride at his declaration.

"What made you decide to dress up in Barbie accessories?"

Emmett shrugged. "I don't know, they were just there on the shelf."

Dr. Fry frowned, seemingly unsatisfied with Emmett's answer. "What were you feeling before you saw them on the shelf?"

"Um… bored?" Emmett answered as if he were unsure of the correct answer.

"I see," Dr Fry scribbled something down and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward fighting a grin.

"And when you were dressing up you felt…?"

I heard Jasper whisper, "Pretty?" a fraction of a second before Emmett managed to answer, "Not bored." He then shot a glare at Jasper and I covered my mouth and disguised a giggle as a cough.

"In your opinion, do you feel you have problems with impulse control?"

"I can control my impulses," Emmett said quickly. "I just like to have fun, is all…"

"Hmm… and your siblings mentioned several other incidents… Something about wearing a gorilla head to the hospital?"

Emmett chuckled. "Oh, that? Well, I had gone in a couple days earlier to talk to Carlisle about a rash, not mine someone else's, and I ran into this little boy, a cancer patient, his name was Ricky. Anyways, Ricky was bored out of his mind… You see the hospital had gotten a Playstation donated to the children's ward, but they wouldn't allow Grand Theft Auto because its to graphic for the kids but that's his favorite game… Well, the poor boy's dying of cancer, he cant play Grand Theft Auto, and the candy striper made him cry… As you can imagine he was in quite the mood. He told me I looked like a gorilla. So when I went in a few days later I took the head I got from an iParty and decided to go up and give the kiddos a scare…"

"Who's rash?" I asked curiously.

"You were going to scare children?" Rosalie asked looking horrified.

"You were going to scare children dying of cancer?" Jasper asked looking disgusted.

"Why'd you go back the second time?" Alice asked curiously.

Yeah, that was what was disturbing about the story.

Emmett's face scrunched up as he tried to decide who to answer first, but Dr Fry saved him the trouble.

"Emmett?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you feel the need to go back and scare the children?"

"I didn't mean scare like that. Kids love to be pranked! After the initial shock I'm sure they would have laughed, I just wanted to cheer Ricky up…" Emmett explained.

I suppose in his mind it would make sense.

"When you make decisions Emmett, do you put a lot of thought behind them?"

"Depends on the decision, but life's to valuable to waste it over thinking everything."

"So your choice are often based on emotions and immediate impulse?"

"Um, I guess?" Emmett answered confusedly.

"I wonder, Emmett… Do you ever get angry?"

"Of course, everyone gets angry." Emmett answered looking more puzzled by the minute.

"Have you ever broken something in your… rage?"

"Rage? I don't go in to a rage." Emmett looked highly offended.

"Of course not, I didn't mean it like that, let me rephrase: When you lose your temper do you ever get physical?"

Emmett snorted. "No."

But then someone whispered, "That's not exactly true Em."

All eyes turned to Jasper.

"What?" Emmett asked.

"You do have some trouble controlling your anger…" Jasper said.

Well, I guess Jasper would know.

Emmett's mouth fell open.

"Yeah," said Alice brightly, "I have always worried about you inability to control your temper."

"My temper?" Emmett repeated.

I didn't need to be Hippie PhD to realize this was taking a dangerous turn.

"Remember when you killed Ms. Greene's little tabby the other day?"

"Emmett, you killed a cat?!" I asked appalled. I know he hunts mountain lions and grizzlies but there is something profoundly wrong about a guy Emmett's size taking his anger out on a defenseless little kitty.

"Jesus Christ! It's not like I did it on purpose!"

"Emmett," Dr. Fry asked, "Why did you kill the cat?"

"It was an accident, the cat was crossing the road and I didn't see it. I ran it over with my jeep, _by accident._"

"Oh," said Dr Fry looking at Alice curiously. "That could happen to anyone, its not uncommon. Alice, why do you think that is an example of him losing his temper?"

"Because he did lose his temper! He was roaring away at me because I told him he had help me pick out the floral arrangements for Bella's wedding. He doesn't want to and he overreacted!"

"It's gay!" Emmett snapped. "I still don't see why one of the girls cant do it, or Jasper he's your husband, or Edward, its his wedding too!"

"It is not gay, Emmett. Bella has agreed to let me plan the wedding on the condition that she has to do nothing, except for maybe helping to pick out the cake and the food. Speaking of food, Esme and Bella will be at a bakery in Port Angeles taste testing cakes. Rosalie and Jasper will be taking a hike that day."

"Carlisle?"

"Working."

"Edward?"

"Finalizing flight arrangements for the honeymoon."

"I don't want to Alice!" He shouted.

"See! See!" Alice shouted too while pointing an accusatory finger at Emmett. "I'm trying to make Bella's big day perfect and Emmett wants to ruin it!"

"I do not--"

"And look how big he is! When he flies off the handle its really quite scary!"

"I would never hurt a girl!"

"Calm down, Emmett! Breath deep and count backwards from ten." Commanded the doctor.

Emmett's frustration was clearly not dissipating but Jasper decided to press his luck anyway.

Jasper cleared his throat. "May I?" He asked Dr. Fry who gestured that he may.

"Emmett, you've lost control before. Broken things… windows, tables… that bust in Carlisle's office. You do realize that bust was a Michelangelo _original?_ It was worth ten of Alice's Porsche."

"You've broken things!" Emmett tried to refocus the attack.

"Like?"

"Um… the camera."

"Mine. And a piece of crap I might add."

"You've uprooted a few saplings."

"That anger was spent outside and a broken sapling cost us no money."

"Since when do we care about money?"

"Just because we have money doesn't mean we should throw it away. It doesn't grow on trees." By now I was 60% sure Jasper was antagonizing Emmett on purpose. He had a little smirk fighting to break through his strained impassiveness.

"What are you talking about Jasper!"

"I'm not sure I feel safe letting my wife alone in your company."

85% sure. Emmett couldn't lay a finger on Alice if he tried.

"What! She's my sister! Now your just making things up!"

"Maybe she's your sister, but until you learn to control your rage--"

"I'll show you rage!" Emmett all but snarled as he reached his breaking point.

He jumped to his feet.

Emmett twisted, grabbed the arm chair and began to hoist it aloft, no doubt planning to hurl it a Jasper.

"Emmett!" We all shrieked.

He froze his eyes wide and staring, the chair about four feet off the ground. Slowly he turned his face to Dr. Fry, as did we all.

Dr. Fry was sweating, looking quite pale, and sitting still as stone while he stared wide eyed at Emmett. There was a vein in his forehead that was twitching, the only movement visibly registering right now.

And Emmett still had the chair hovering off the ground.

Put it down you idiot.

Why are you still holding that chair?

And he's still holding it.

Holding it.

Holding it.

Holding it.

Then Emmett lowered the chair back to it's original place.

"I, um, work out a lot, you know?" He said nervously to Dr Fry and sat back down in the chair. When Dr. Fry made no response Emmett continued, "Gym membership and um… You think that was impressive? You should see how much I can bench…" He chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his curls.

The sound of laughter seemed to help awaken the doctor a little.

"That chair must weigh…" He whispered

"Yeah," Emmett agreed, nodding his head while searching for nonchalance. "Yeah, it was pretty heavy…"

A wave of serenity stole silently and invisibly through the room, calming everyone in its path.


	8. Casual Day Is Not So Casual Pt 2

**Pt. 2 Analogies and Coping Mechanisms**

So after about five minutes of silence that was caused by the messed-up-ness that was Emmett's outburst, Dr. Fry regained his coherency. I couldn't help but notice how he had pressed his body into the arm of his chair so he was further away from Emmett, who was still smiling innocently.

"Alright," said Dr. Fry. "Emmett, what were you feeling when you decided to throw the chair at your brother?"

"I was pissed." Emmett answered. "I mean, I was defending myself against your outrageous claims and Jasper had to antagonize me."

"Jasper, why did you antagonize Emmett when he was clearly getting upset?"

"I don't know," Jasper said; frowning like he was thinking hard. "I guess, it was just my predisposition toward violent outbursts influencing my need to contradict my dear brother." He smirked.

"Now, Jasper, sarcasm is not valued here. You need to be honest with each other and yourselves if this is to work and you need to be considerate to each others feelings." Dr. Fry reprimanded. The color started to come back into his face he found his stride again.

"Why did you feel the need to antagonize Emmett?" Dr Fry repeated a little more sternly.

Jasper sighed. "Honestly? Emmett antagonizes everyone at every turn. I saw an opportunity and I took it."

Emmett's ability to drive everyone nuts went undisputed.

"How so?"

"Like that shit with the Barbie? Emmett knows how easily embarrassed Bella gets and he did it anyway. Then that comment about Edward not getting laid?"

I felt Edward flinch and I cringed a little, guilty about how much pressure I had put on him and now his whole family was more than aware.

"Well, what business of Emmett's is it whether or not Edward takes advantage of Bella being easy?"

"Hey!" Edward and I yelled at Jasper simultaneously.

"That's my fiancée!" Edward yelled as I yelled, "I am not _easy_!"

"I didn't mean it like that exactly! Not like she's a slut or anything… I just meant that she's ready and your not…We are getting off topic--"

"Really off topic--" Rosalie mumbled.

"Anyways, he gets all over my back with jokes about--"

Edward faked cleared his throat.

"_hamburgers._" Jasper finished.

Hamburgers?

"Hamburgers?" Dr Fry echoed my thoughts.

"Yeah, well, we are vegetarians, but I used to love hamburgers before I realized it was wrong to eat them."

Oh. Eeew with the analogy Jasper. I'll never eat hamburgers again.

"Anyways, sometimes when I smell a really good hamburger I want to eat it. Emmett thinks my inability to stay on our diet is funny. Its hurtful when he makes jokes. I try _really_ hard."

I'm confused. I don't know whether to laugh, give Jasper a hug or boycott hamburgers.

"Emmett, how do you feel about what Jasper's just shared with you?" Dr. Fry asked with a very concerned look on his face.

I glanced from Jasper to Emmett who was actually looking a little guilty.

"I… I don't know…" He looked down at his lap, rubbed the back of his neck, and looked back at Jasper. "Shit, Jazz, I'm sorry. But you know I don't mean anything by it, right? I'm not trying to hurt anyone… Its just in good fun…"

"Fun at everyone else's expense," Jasper mumbled.

"Does everyone feel that way?" Emmett asked.

"Well," I said quietly, "remember a few weeks ago when we were preparing for the um… _family feud_?" I decided to take a leaf out of Jasper's book and use an analogy…What Dr. Dooby didn't know wouldn't hurt him. "You made a joke about me joining the fight… You know, I think of you guys as family, I have for a long time. If I could have helped you, you know I would have in a heartbeat… You made me feel useless."

"Aw, Bella… You're my sister, have been since the day the worlds oldest virgin brought you home to visit--"

"I don't appreciate you alluding to my sex life all the time." Edward cut off Emmett. "There is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage. Its old fashioned, but not criminal. Butt out of our bedroom."

"And I don't appreciate you comparing me to a magic eight ball on crack." Alice blurted out.

"Alright, alright, I get it. I promise, I will try to take it easy with jokes from now on."

Dr Fry said, "Good, Emmett. As for your anger?"

"I'll keep it to myself."

"No, Emmett. That could be a bad idea. Holding in your anger is very unhealthy, its better to express it. Maybe, instead of breaking and throwing things or yelling, you could discuss with your family what has made you angry. They can help you work out your problems, but they can't help if they don't know what's wrong. They aren't mind readers after all."

Not all of them anyways.

"I think we are making some real progress here. Now I was wondering, Alice, do you have anything you would like to share?"

"Like what?" She asked leaning forward a little and cocking her head like a museum visitor trying to get a better look at a fascinating sculpture.

"Well, you've explained to me that the incident in the fitting rooms was a misunderstanding… I was wondering why you cared so much about what that woman wanted to wear? When she didn't want your help, why didn't you just walk away?"

"Because how you dress has a big influence on how people perceive you! If she wore what she had picked out all people would think is 'Here comes the overweight librarian' and no one wants to be thought of like that! You can be curvy _and_ beautiful but you've got to know how to work it, and the outfit I picked out would have made her look spectacular! It would have shown off the right curves, hidden the unfortunate ones, brought out the color in her eyes while showing off her skin tone… Honestly, woman kill to have skin like hers, she _should_ be emphasizing it!"

"So you were _helping_ her because you…?" Dr. Fry left his question hanging.

"Wanted her to look her best." Alice finished.

"I see." He studied her and his eyes flicked briefly to Edward and back.

"What about with Edward? What happened there?"

"Oh, come on! Black bootcut jeans? I understand men need bootcut if the wear boots, but Edward doesn't. Straightleg is so much better for someone with Edward's shape. If he is going to wear jeans, he sure as hell isn't going to wear Levi's off a clearance rack, I'll order some for him! I understand he wants to dress for Bella, but if she made the decisions on what Edward wore, he'd be Goth and eeeeeew!"

I flushed scarlet at that.

"Alice, I told you that in confidence!" I hissed.

She looked at me and rolled her eyes, the obnoxious little pixie.

"You'd have me go Goth?" Edward asked curiously from behind me.

"You look good in black," I mumbled, "it brings out _your _skin tone." My face got hotter as I fessed up.

"He looks pale enough!" Alice snapped at me.

She was one to talk. Her black hair made her face so pale she looked like one of those Asian concubines. Seriously, I'd seen snowdrifts with healthier color.

_You're a vampire, we get it, now get some highlights!_

"Alice?" Dr. Fry cleared his throat to regain her attention. "Alice, lets get away from fashion for a moment… You said you were planning Bella and Edward's wedding?"

"Yup!" Alice said brightly.

"How is that going?"

"Better than expected considering I have to put a rush order on everything. The florist we are using considers us priority clients so there wont be a problem there. I plan on picking on floral arrangements based on Bella's smell…" If Dr. Fry thought that was a weird declaration he didn't show it. "…and Rosalie has graciously agreed to play the piano during the ceremony. The DJ was being difficult to get a hold of, but I paid off the other couple who had reserved him, so they gave him up in search of someone else."

She did what?

"I'm leaving the choice of food and beverage up to Bella seeing as she has to eat it. I'm still waiting for confirmation on the swans--"

"_Swans_?!" I interrupted.

"Yes, swans! I found a deal online! They come and set up a portable pond and they bring swans and its supposed to be really romantic. I also thought it would be kind of cute because your name is--"

"Alice!" I cut her off.

"What?"

"I will not be having swans at my wedding! Edward and I are getting married, not starting a petting zoo!"

"You can't pet swans, silly," She laughed.

"Alice, no swans, no live animals of any kind!"

"But--"

"You promised! You promised if I let you plan this wedding, you would keep everything within reason."

"I know, but Bella--"

"If Bella doesn't want swans, then no swans." Edward interrupted Alice this time.

She gave him a venomous glare.

"Seriously, Ally, how would you even keep the swans from flying away?" Emmett asked incredulously, no doubt referring to animals' natural fear of vampires.

"Well, they don't fly. Their wings are clipped. And I thought incase they tried to make a run for it, well Jasper could be on standby and use his calming influence---"

"Woah, woah, woah! Hold on there Alice--"

"Jasper, I'm not a horse--"

"-- when did you plan on letting me know that my job was going to include swan wrangler?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters, Alice, you think that's how I want to spend my evening?"

Her face was puckering up with frustration as she watched her wedding plans going up in flames.

"But Jasper! You could--"

"No, Alice--"

"Don't worry Jasper, there wont be any swans at my wedding--"

"But Bella! It would--"

"It does seem a little much--"

"C'mon Rosalie--"

"Quiet please!" Dr. Fry tried to regain control of the situation.

We quieted down for him and I was a bit relieved. Alice's interview was going better than anyone else's. At least she hadn't tried to throw anything… yet.

"Alice, was there ever a time when you felt… helpless?" Dr. Fry asked seriously.

"Helpless? How so?" Her frustration was fading away to confusion.

"Powerless. Like you had no control over something that was happening to you, maybe something bad?"

Alice was quiet for a minute. "Yes." She said looking genuinely surprised at her own answer.

"Do you mind telling me about it?"

Alice took a deep breath. "You know I'm adopted? I lost my parents at such a young age, I don't remember anything of my life before, you know? I guess I felt helpless when I realized I was living in a world I didn't have any knowledge of…"

"And when you came to this conclusion, when you felt helpless, were you scared, angry, confused…"

"Scared and confused. I didn't have anybody…" Alice's eyes were far away and for once she wasn't in a vision. It was a memory.

Jasper slid an arm around Alice and gave her a comforting squeeze. I reach out my hand and took hers. I couldn't imagine what she must have gone through. Alone and frightened with no memories of the past and no knowledge of the present with foreign glimpses of the future…

"Alice, I've noticed that you like to control your surroundings. What your family wears, what happens at Bella's wedding… Is it possible that the time you felt out of control has effected you in such a way that now you feel the need to control everything?"

"Are you saying _I'm_ a control freak?"

"Not at all Alice, and I don't really like that term. I'm suggesting that you have developed a coping mechanism… You protect yourself from the…the confusion of the unknown by controlling the known."

"I guess its possible…" She acquiesced.

"There is nothing wrong with that Alice, we all need a way to cope. However, you shouldn't allow a coping mechanism to rule your life or interfere with the lives of others. Can you think of away to refocus your mechanism in a more healthy manner?"

"No." Alice answered.

You know that feeling you get when you watch a horror movie and you see one of the more expendable characters walking cautiously down a dark corridor alone? Sure the hallway is quiet… But is it possible that its _too_ quiet?

Alice's one word answer combined with the way she was eyeing the shrink suspiciously was starting to give me that feeling. Dr Fry was suggesting Alice make a change and if history has proven anything… Alice was not capable of change.

"What about starting small? Maybe let Bella help with more than just the food?"

_What?!_ No way was I helping. I'd be happy with a Vegas wedding and an Elvis minister. Alice glared at me as if she knew what I was thinking.

"Dr Fry?" I interrupted. "That doesn't really work for me. I don't want to plan the wedding, I just want to get married. Alice does want to plan it and she knows what shes doing…"

Dr Fry frowned at me while Alice beamed. I was getting that feeling again.

Dr Fry switched tact. "What about your obsession with apparel?"

"What about it?"

"Well, maybe instead of trying to control what others wear you could--"

"Excuse me?" Alice interrupted.

Uh-oh.

"Well, I just--"

"No! Do you know what would happen if I let them dress themselves?! Edward would allow Bella to turn him Goth! Bella would where a sweat pants and t-shirt everyday for the rest of her life!"

"I would not!" I said indignantly but she continued on as if I hadn't spoken at all.

"And Emmett? God only knows how he would dress himself! He'd probably wind up in leather pants with a fishnet wife beater!"

Thank you, Alice. As if I didn't have enough disturbing images in my brain we had to add that little gem to the mix.

"Alice, honey, calm down. He didn't mean to offend you." Jasper was murmuring, but Alice shrugged out from under his soothing touch and stood up.

"And you! No way are _you_ going to lecture _me_ on clothes!" She stepped closer to him.

"Alice," Edward said in a warning voice.

"Don't _Alice_ me! Have you seen him!" She pointed to Dr Fry. "Have you seen what he's wearing! Look at him! Look at what he's wearing! What is that! How does your wife let you leave the house!" She was screeching now.

The color was draining out of Dr Fry again.

She stepped forward again, her tiny fists clenched, and I was suddenly terrified she was going to attempt to rip the offending clothes right off of him. Rosalie must have shared that fear because she quickly wrapped her arms around Alice's tiny waist to restrain her.

"Who are you!" Alice hollered. "Who dresses like this! We aren't at Woodstock, for Christ's sake! Burn them! Burn those clothes! Burn them all!"

And I thought I had problems.


	9. Crime and Punishment

My name is Bella Swan and I am now officially uncomfortable.

Dr. Fry decided it would be best to end our session before anything else could go wrong. Thank God for small favors. Now if only God could grant a big favor and get me the hell out of this car before someone dies.

We decided to drive in one car today, seeing as Rosalie has finally invested in an SUV big enough to seat the six of us. Part of me would like to think that she was finally coming to terms with me being a member of her family, but the smart part of me realized that I am just an excuse for her to buy a new toy.

It would seem Edward hasn't quite forgiven Jasper for is remark about me being easy. Which would explain the icy glare of death Edward was now giving Jasper. Jasper was pretending to ignore Edward by sitting stone still and staring at the back of Rosalie's head. Rosalie was furious with Emmett for A) thinking that scaring dying children would be a good idea, and B) picking up the armchair in front of our very human shrink. Rosalie had decided all extracurricular activities would be canceled until further notice…Emmett wasn't taking his punishment so well. He also wasn't thrilled with Alice for dragging up the cat incident, and seemed perfectly content to pretend that his little sister no longer existed.

Alice was clearly unhappy with everyone. She was angry at me for banning the swans from my wedding. Angry at Jasper for saying he had no desire to spend my wedding day herding swans. She was angry at Edward for saying I get what I want. Angry with Emmett for not picking out floral arrangements. Angry with Rosalie for stopping her from giving Dr. Fry a make over.

She was sitting with her arms crossed and her eyes unfocused, growling in aggravation every few minutes… Probably looking for the best way to get us to do what she wants. God help us all if she figures it out.

In the meantime I will just sit here quietly and try not to get eaten.

"Rosie, please-" Emmett began to plead his case again.

"Well, what the hell were you _thinking?_" She cut him off. "Scaring children because god forbid an eight year old insult you?"

"He was nine-"

"Then as if that's not bad enough, you tried to throw a chair at Jasper in front of the therapist? What if he hadn't believed that crap about you _working out_?"

"But Rose, he did buy it and-"

"And nothing! You are going to Ms. Greene's today and you are explaining to the poor lady that you knocked off her cat because you were throwing a temper tantrum over _flowers_!"

"Rosalie, I didn't do it on purpose-"

"I don't care! She's eighty with no family and has posted lost-flyers of that cat from here to Hoquiam! She deserves to know he's not coming home."

Emmett closed his mouth. Good choice.

"Edward, what I said, I didn't mean-" Jasper decided to press his luck too.

A low growl rumbled out of Edward's chest and his glare became more vicious than anything Rosalie had ever conjured up.

Jasper looked to me. "Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It came out wrong--"

"You shouldn't have gone there at all," I said quietly, and Edward growled again.

"I know, I was trying to make a point and I should have used a different example-"

"You think?" Edward spat sarcastically.

I sighed and took Edward's hand. He ripped his gaze from Jasper to me and his expression softened.

"Jasper," I said slowly, "I will accept your apology because I believe that you didn't mean to insult me."

Edward opened his mouth to object but I shook my head at him. "Edward, let it go."

He sighed, but didn't look at Jasper again.

"Traitors!"

We all flinched as Alice barked from the backseat, where she sat alone.

We waited for her to continue but she said nothing else.

Esme was waiting at the Cullen house when we arrived. "Hey, kids, how'd your session go?" She asked the loaded question.

"Wonderfully," Edward answered in a burst of out of character sarcasm. "In fact," He said reaching out and grabbing Jasper's arm as he tried to make a stealthy escape, "Jasper and I had a breakthrough. The two of us are going to take a short hunting trip… to bond. We will be back in a hour or so."

"Edward…" I began but Edward was already tugging an apprehensive looking Jasper out the back door.

Esme looked a little confused and she turned her attention to Alice. "Alice, honey, what's wrong?"

Alice let out a sob. She actually _sobbed._ "It's not fair, mom. Everyone's ruining _everything._" She fled up to her room without a backward glance.

"Esme? Emmett and I will be back later. He has something he needs to tell Ms. Greene regarding the whereabouts of Fluffanutter." Rosalie tossed her keys on the coffee table and turned. Emmett put his hands up defensively and walked backward out the door, with Rosalie stalking him.

Then there was just me.

"What on earth is going on?" Esme asked looking frustrated.

"Therapy is…intense," I answered, "We get into a lot of things."

* * *

I watched Esme flit around the kitchen as she made me dinner. I had argued against her having to do this, but I didn't argue very much. As much as I dislike being taken care of, I knew it meant a lot to Esme. She liked being a mom, and I was the only person in the family who required certain gifts a mother could provide. Not to mention I was worried about Edward and Jasper. We were going into hour two.

As if they heard my thoughts the door opened. I turned to get a look and --

"Jasper!" Esme shrieked. "The carpets!"

Jasper froze just in time to avoid dirtying the living room carpet.

Jasper was covered, head to toe, in some gooey brownish orange looking substance.

"What happened?" Esme squawked, making a shooing gesture with her arms as she chased Jasper backwards out the door.

"We were hunting by the river and Jasper fell in a clay bed," Edward explained but Esme didn't appear to be listening.

She and Jasper disappeared outside.

Now, call me crazy, but I don't think Edward was being totally honest. For starters, his eyes showed no evidence of a recent meal. Secondly, I had never seen a vampire fall by accident.

I glanced down at Edward's feet as he kicked off his shoes… they were covered in clay. He picked them up, walked them over to the garbage pail and dropped them in. He leaned back against the counter and smiled at me.

"What's Esme doing to Jasper?" I asked curiously.

He smirked. "She's taking the garden hose to him."

I lifted a disbelieving eyebrow. "He fell?"

"Freak hunting accident." He shrugged. "It happens."


End file.
